looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
