Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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