I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
