I haven't been this sober since birth.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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