This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
