sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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