its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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