I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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