I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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