Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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