I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
