I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
