I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
