So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
