the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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