Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can I color on your dick again?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
