Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i will never coherently bang her
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
