Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
