he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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