i love accidental penises.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And then my night got REAL pukey
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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