just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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