i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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