Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
