She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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