fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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