Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize