My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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