i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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