There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
