I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
