be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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