paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
