She announced her abortion via fbk
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
