She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
