i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
