My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
