i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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