TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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