MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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