I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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