I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
