Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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