wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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