I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
