i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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