do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize