Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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