She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize