First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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