I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
