She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
