"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
