And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
