he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
