Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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