I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
