I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
