i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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