I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
