someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
