Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
