I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
