I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
