Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
